Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Surgeon Accidentally Leaves Piano Inside Patient

Toronto, Canada

An unidentified patient was brought into surgery on Tuesday at the Toronto Shriners Hospital to remove a large growth under his skin. It was tested for cancer and it turned out to be benign. Once the surgery began it was in fact a piano left behind by a surgeon during a gall bladder surgery the patient underwent in 2000.

The patient had complained of lower chest pains and had trouble walking. "It was like I was pushing, well, a piano around in front of me," he said in recovery late Tuesday night.

The surgeon that performed the 2000 surgery was unavailable for comment. The PR office at the Toronto Shriners Hospital did make a brief statement.

"These things happen. One minute you're singing 'Beauty School Drop-Out' and the next thing you know you've sewn a piano into a patient.

"We were really shocked," Dr. Feelgood said. "I said, `You have to come down here and see what we found.' "

The patient, a 59-year-old man, had consulted Dr. Feelgood because of nausea and pain in his abdomen.

"I had no idea I was going to find this," Dr. Feelgood said.

The TSH public relations office was quick to point out that "Surgical teams accidentally leave clamps, sponges and other tools inside about 1,500 patients nationwide each year, according to the biggest study of the problem yet. As far as we know this is the only time a piano has been accidentally left behind."

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Nazis Invented the Sex Doll

I'm not sure if this is a hoax or not, but it's funny as hell.

"It sounds like a bizarre joke, but it's a true story.

The "field-hygienic project" was an initiative of Reichsführer SS Heinrich Himmler, who regarded the doll as an "counterbalance" (or regulating effect) for the sexual drive of his stormtropers. In one his letters, dated 20.11.1940 he mentions the "unnessessary losses" the Wehrmacht had suffered in France inflicted by street prostitutes.
"The greatest danger in Paris are the wide-spread and uncontrolled whores, picking by clients in bars, dancehalls and other places. It is our duty to prevent soldiers from risking their health, just for the sake of a quick adventure."

The project was naturally kept top secret, but quite a bit of resources was put into creating the perfect aryan sex doll, to prevent sexually transmitted diseases, and, one assume, racial dilution of the great German army.

Psychiatrist Dr. Rudolf Chargeheimer wrote the following note as the project went forward:
"Sure thing, purpose and goal of the dolls is to relieve our soldiers. They have to fight and not be on the browl or mingle with "foreign womenfolk". However: no real men will prefer a doll to a real woman, until our technicians meet the following quality standards-

The synthetic flesh has to feel the same like real flesh
The doll’s body should be as agile and moveable as the real body
The doll’s organ should feel absolutely realistic."

Between June 1940 – 1941 IG Farben had already developed a number of "skin-friendly polymers" for the SS. Special characteristics : high tensile strength and elasticity. The cast of a suitable model proved to be more difficult.

Borghild was meant to reflect the beauty-ideal of the Nazis , i. e. white skin, fair hair and blue eyes. Although the team considered a doll with brown hair , the SS- Hygiene-Institute insisted on manufacturing a "nordish doll". Tschakert hoped to plastercast from a living model and a number of famous female athletes were invited to come to his studios, among them Wilhelmina von Bremen and Annette Walter. In the process Tschakert realized it was the wrong way. In a letter to Mrurgowsky he came to the conclusion: "Sometimes the legs are too short and look deformed, or the lady has a hollow back and arms like a wrestler. The overall appearance is always dreadful and I fear there is no other way than to combine."

While Mrurgowsky still favoured a "whole imprint" of NS- diva Kristina Söderbaum, the Borghild-designer decided to build the doll’s mold in a "modular way". In Tschakerts view the doll should be nothing more than a" female bestform", a "perfect automaton of lust", that would combine "the best of all possible bodies". The team agreed on a cheeky and naughty face , a look-a-like of Käthe von Nagy, but the actress politely declined to borrow her face to Tschakert’s doll. After Mrurgowsky’ s exit , Dr. Hannussen rejected the idea to cast a face from a living person. He believed in an "artifial face of lust", which would be more attractive to soldiers.

Eventually, the project appear to have been put in the backburner as Nazi-Germany faced more pressing needs, and the German army had to face its enemies without the comfort of the aryan plastic sex bomb. No wonder they lost, squeezed between French prostitutes and Russian bayonets.

What remained of the project was totally destroyed when allied warplanes totally destroyed Dresden in 1945. And here we have heard the bombing raid was of dubious military value."

This excerpt was taken from the following link:

Monday, June 27, 2005

When I grow up, I want to be the Ernest Borgine of golf. Posted by Hello

Monday, June 20, 2005

Create Your Own Caption Contest Posted by Hello

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Greater Greensboro Open Blog Was First With Story of Two Ribfest

"WINSTON-SALEM — The ribfest in Winston-Salem? What gives? Organizer Allen McDavid had planned to do it again this summer in Greensboro. But he never heard back from the Greensboro Jaycees, the non-profit that sponsored the ribfest last summer in downtown Greensboro. So, he moved it to Winston-Salem because he says he didn’t want to infringe on the Jaycees’ potential project. "

This excerpt was taken from Go Triad Online. To read the entire article go to:

A story about these two events was first posted on on 6/5/05 under the title "Tale of Two Ribfest", but was removed the next day after anonymous comments were posted saying that it and other editorial comments made by Randy Harris where "picking on the Jaycees."

The article was updated with comments from Allen McDavid and then reposted as an article entitled "Tale of Two RibFest Revised" on on 6/8/05.

Best Part of the US Open

For me the best part of this week's US Open was watching Jason Gore's caddie. I yelled out, "He's wearing a PBR cap. I told my father-in-law, "I bet he's not even getting paid to wear it."

"Lewis Puller III, Jason Gore's caddie, wore a Pabst Blue Ribbon cap while assisting on Gore's third-round 72 in the 105th United States Open at Pinehurst on Saturday. He is not sponsored by the suds maker, but says, 'If we win I'm expecting them to send a few cases to my house. It's been my good luck hat -- five cuts in a row for this hat.'"

This excerpt was taken from:

The UnderdogsJune 18, 2005


To read the entire article go to:,17742,1074061,00.html

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Anonymous Comment Pointing Out Fred Hotline Not Really Funny May Have Been Hoax

First Newsweek's Koran debacle and now this. Reports surfaced Thursday morning that earlier reports of anonymous comments claiming that the Fred Hotline was "not really funny" may have been fabricated.

A distraught, confused and possibly fictional FH staffer had this to say, "Oh great, not only does the blog I work for suck, but I'm made up. I am truly the real, or unreal, victim here. You know what I mean."

Returning from a gold prospecting trip, Fred B. Willie was quoted as saying, "This again? Go read another blog. That kid from Edmond ( ) is always pontificating. Go read his stuff. As far as content (in the Fred Hotline) I stopped paying attention in 1986."

Upon further investigation, it turns out that there are no "Greensboro Offices" for the Fred Hotline. "My wife does let me use the corner of the bonus room," Willie said.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Anonymous Comment Points Out Fred Hotline Not Really Funny

An anoymous comment posted on the Fred Hotline last week sent a shock wave through the Greensboro offices. Earlier claims of "you suck" had mostly been disregarded by the Hotline staff, but a random remark about the blog "not being funny" really hit home.

"We're the real victims here. Up until a couple of days ago, we thought this stuff was funny. I mean we thought we killed," said a distraught FH staffer.

Fred B. Willie made a brief statement before attending an unidentified support group late Wednesday. "Who reads this crap anyway? Four million blogs on the internet and you're reading this one? What a total waste of your time. Who are they to say we suck? In fact who are they period? They're anonymous. We suck in a truly American way, like the new strike zone rules suck. We suck like Stevie Wonder getting front row seats to the NBA Finals sucks."

Monday, June 13, 2005

This is a test. My computer crashed a couple of weeks ago and I've been having trouble sending photos to my blog. This is a photo of me driving a red fire truck. My brother David is the bald-headed back seat driver. Posted by Hello

Sunday, June 12, 2005

"You've Been Inconvenienced!"

UPN lights up the night with its first new show of the Fall season with an all new episode of "You've Been Inconvenienced!"

Tonight, on a very special "You've Been Inconvenienced!", watch as James Michael Tyler is put to the test as he is made to wait on a grande vanilla creme frappuccino. The pressure will build as this B-list star is told that his coffee order will take a minute or two longer.

Hidden cameras will record the entire event as this soon to be well now thespian flips through a People magazine, paces in front of the pastry display and at one point checks his watch.

You can cut the tension with a knife as he asks, "how's it going back there?" to the barista that we secretly replaced with a YBI cast member.

Just when you think he can't take any more, our host Kevin Federline, comes out from his hiding place in the storage room and screams, "You've been inconvenienced! In your face. You've been inconvenienced!"

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Spiderman Lyrics

Spiderman, Spiderman, Does whatever a spider can Spins a web, any size, Catches thieves just like flies Look Out!

Here comes the Spiderman.

Is he strong? Listen bud, He's got radioactive blood.
Can he swing from a thread Take a look overhead Hey, there There goes the Spiderman.

In the chill of night At the scene of a crime Like a streak of light He arrives just in time.

Spiderman, Spiderman Friendly neighborhood Spiderman Wealth and fame He's ingnored Action is his reward.

To him, life is a great big bang up Whenever there's a hang up You'll find the Spider man.

Wonder Woman Lyrics

I was watching Wonder Woman on TV Land today. She was, of course, fighting Nazis. It was 1978 and she fighting Hilter, again.

Just spin and change into the costume already. Just for the record, Lynda Carter is a permanent resident in my happy place.

Anyway the show ended and the theme music started playing and I could not remember the words. Quick to the internet. Porn and song lyrics for everyone.

Lyrics by Norman Gimbel and Charles Fox

"Wonder Woman, Wonder Woman.
All the world's waiting for you, and the power you possess.
In your satin tights, Fighting for your rights And the old Red, White and Blue.

Wonder Woman, Wonder Woman.
Now the world is ready for you, and the wonders you can do.

Make a hawk a dove, Stop a war with love, Make a liar tell the truth.

Wonder Woman, Get us out from under, Wonder Woman.

All our hopes are pinned on you. And the magic that you do.

Stop a bullet cold, Make the Axis fall, Change their minds, and change the world.

Wonder Woman, Wonder Woman.
You're a wonder, Wonder Woman."

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Tale of Two RibFest Revised

The RibFest is supposed to be a contest between Ribbers to see who has the best flavor, not a contest between two cities to see who can have the best rib inspired event.

On May 10th at Forest Oaks Country Club, a group of Green Coaters and Old Timers met for dinner immediately following the Green Coat Club/Old Timers Golf Challenge.

During dinner Gene Shanks, 2005 Greensboro Jaycee President, was asked to take the podium and say a few words about what was happening with the Greensboro Jaycees this year.

He spoke briefly about renting parking spaces during baseball games, said the CCG was going well and then made a strange comment about an upcoming project, "contrary to what you may have heard in the local media, RibFest is not moving to Winston-Salem."

He didn't say another word about this rumor and no one asked him about it while he was at the podium. In fact he took no questions at all. Days later Hitz 94.1 began playing ads promoting the "Twin City" RibFest to be held in Winston-Salem.

"The 2005 Shiner Bock Twin City RibFest makes its debut in downtown Winston-Salem on June 16, 17, and 18, 11am-11pm daily. The event will include a performance stage featuring over 22 regional musical acts, along with other performers, childrenÂ’s activities, a market, and of course,professional rib cookers vying for awards. Click here to find out more details including maps and hotel accommodations."

To find out more about the event to be held in Winston-Salem go to

Last year's event was called the 2004 Crown Royal Gate City RibFest presented by AKA Enterprises and the Greensboro Jaycees, but I was not sure about the Twin City RibFest, so I contacted Kathi Winkler. Winkler is the acting Greensboro Jaycee chairman for the 2005 Crown Royal Gate City RibFest, that is again being presented by the Greensboro Jaycees.

Winkler indicated that last year's chairman had contracted with Allen McDavid of AKA Enterprises to do promotional items that the Greensboro Jaycees were unwilling or unable to do. This included marketing, media relations and sponsorship sales.

As to the AKA Enterprises' performance during the 2004 event, Winkler said, "He (Allen McDavid) did a decent job last year."

After reading the orginial article posted on , Allen McDavid responded by email to present a few points of his own. "Also, please note that my role last year was much more than a media firm. I designed the event's footprint, secured merchandise vendors, entertainment, hauled fencing from the Jaycee's storehouse in Forest Oaks, and worked over 14 hours each day of the event. For Kathi Winkler to say that I did a 'decent job' is quite an understatement," McDavid wrote responding to Winkler's claim.

Winkler was the assistant chairman for the 2004 RibFest. She began making plans for the 2005 event back then. She was surprised by how much responsiblity was given to the McDavid by the 2004 RibFest chairman. The AKA Enterprises was given "carte blanche" over the project according to Winkler. This included a $30,000 media budget.

McDavid responsed by email to comment on the project's media budget, "Through a media contact I was instrumental in securing Crown Royal as a $10,000 title sponsor. I then brought in Shiner Bock along with numerous media in-kind sponsorships that totaled the $30,000 media budget that Winkler said I spent. Other in-kind sponsors that I secured donated all the banners, T-shirts, etc."

When the planning for the 2005 Gate City RibFest began, Winkler wanted to return to a more traditional Jaycee project model.

"I'm an old fashion Jaycee," Winkler said during a phone interview with Randy Harris. She feels that the Jaycees have the ability to run this project without the use of an outside marketing firm and has no plans to use one this year. She feels that the Jaycees have the contacts to make this a successful event.

Reflecting on last year's event, Winkler felt that the McDavid and AKA Enterprises started to "take credit", as she put it, for the event's success.

The Greensboro Jaycees are planning their version of this event on July 8,9,10 at the Greensboro Jaycee Complex at 401. N. Greene Street in downtown Greensboro.
Crown Royal is the event's main sponsor. When asked if sponsors were confusing the two events, Winkler admitted that there may have been a little confusion at first, but once it was explained that the Greensboro Jaycees where behind the event in Greensboro and not the one in Winston-Salem, the sponsors chose the Jaycee event in Greensboro.

Among the attractions at the Greensboro event, Winkler wants to have a dunking booth and hopes to get the mayor, 2005 Greensboro Jaycee President Gene Shanks and 2005 Chrysler Classic General Chairman Justin Conrad to be targets.

Which bring us to the question of why do we how have two rib events instead of just one? McDavid said he contacted the current Jaycee leadership and " I was quick to point out that preparations for the 2005 event should begin immediately."

McDavid indicated that he was not contacted about being involved with the Jaycee sponsored 2005 "Gate City" RibFest and that he moved forward by planning his own event in Winston-Salem.

"Of course, she (Kathi Winkler) never called, so I began plans on the Twin City RibFest. The fact of the matter is that no Jaycee contacted me about the RibFest until Gerald Joyce (2005 Greensboro Jaycee Chairman of the Board) called in May when he heard that I was doing a RibFest in Winston-Salem. His only concern was the confusion between the two events," McDavid wrote in an email to Randy Harris.

As far as silimar promotional materials being used to promote both events, McDavid said " I developed the logo (but retained ownership of it), created and implemented a marketing campaign."

This is the tale of two RibFest. Rember the one in Winston-Salem is the 2005 Shiner Bock Twin City RibFest and it will be held on June 16, 17, and 18, 11am-11pm daily.

The Greensboro Jaycees are planning their version of the 2005 Gate City RibFest on July 8,9,10 at the Greensboro Jaycee Complex at 401. N. Greene Street in downtown Greensboro. For more information go to or call 336 379-1570.

Randy Harris

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Chilean Worm Purse

I wake up every morning thinking the same three words, "need to piss". This morning I had three different words on my mind, "Chilean worm purse." I'm not sure what that is, if it's anything?

I mean it sounds like it should be a thing. If it's not a thing, let's agree to call the next new nameless thing "Chilean worm purse". I'm not sure if it is a Chilean purse made for worms or if it is purse made of Chilean worms?

The term would make a great computer virus name. It has the word worm in it. Don't computer virus names always have the word "worm" in them?

It sounds fancy. I can just imagine some Hollywood star walking down the red carpet and someone pointing out how well her shoes match her Chilean worm purse.

It could be a Hardy Boys story, "The Hardy Boys and the Mystery of the Chilean Worm Purse."

I often have trouble sleeping at night and I might very well flip channels to find Chilean Worm Purses being sold on QVC between men's jewelry and collectible knives for women.

I put this new collection of words into my Google search engine and it came up with 10,500 hits. None of these used all three words correctly, but there was a site regarding a Chilean karaoke champion. I bet he has a chilean worm purse to match his eyes.