Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Happy New Year from the Fred Hotline

Randy Harris, Will Plyler and Kevin von der Lippe pose for a photo after watching the NC State game at the Village Tavern.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

2011 BDWSGGO Rules Announced


Following last year's successful competition, this year's golf
competition will consist of 3 daily competitions and 3 cumulative
competitions all leading to an overall Gnome Cup winner. Each day of
play will have a skins game, a net strokes game, and a gross strokes
game. Skins competition will follow standard skins rules. The net
strokes game will tally individual players' total number of strokes
over the 18 hole course net their handicap. Handicaps for the first
round will be determined by the Planning Committee based players'
performance in past BDWSGGO events. Handicaps for subsequent rounds
will be determined by the Planning Committee based on the prior day's
play using a top secret weighting scheme that will be released on
Wikileaks three days after completion of the BDWSGGO. The gross
strokes game will tally individual players' total number of strokes
over the 18 hole course with no allowance for handicap. In addition to
these daily competitions, players will vie in a three-day skins, a
three-day net strokes, and a three-day gross strokes competition.
Rules for these cumulative, three-day competitions are the same as for
the corresponding daily competitions, except that skins or strokes
will be tallied over the entire three days of play. The winner of
each of the 12 competitions will receive 4 points towards the Gnome
Cup, second place will receive 3 Gnome points, third place will
receive 2 Gnome points, and fourth place will receive 1 Gnome point.
The individual with the most overall Gnome points will win the coveted
Gnome Cup. The player with the lowest Gnome point total will receive
the custom made loser plaque. Bonus points will be awarded to any
player who actually understands the rules and can calculate an
accurate Gnome point total for all players.


Back by popular demand is the Hooters wing eating competition.
Competitors may consume bone-in wings at Hooters on any night on which
a Hooters is visited. Competitors are responsible for the purchase of
their own wings and may therefore select any flavor of wing sauce they
desire. After each night's gluttony, competitors' bone plates will be
weighed by the attending Hootress. The winner will be the individual
with the greatest total weight in chicken wing bones at the end of
Saturday night. The BDWSGGO chairman may disqualify any given bone as
insufficiently picked if he feels too much meat has been left. In the
event that no Hooters is visited during the BDWSGGO, a wing eating
competition winner will be appointed by the BDWSGGO chairman. In
addition to the wing eating contest, a fried seafood contest will also
be held. This contest will be held on the night that the group visits
a seafood restaurant. Competitors will order, at their own expense,
plates of fried shrimp. The individual who consumes the most plates of
fried shrimp will be the winner. Ties in both competitions will be
broken by having competitors will run laps around the restaurant. The
last competitor to puke will win. Winners of the eating competitions
receive a free Pepcid, while losers must smell Randy's hat. If a
losing competitor pukes in Randy's hat, they must buy Randy a new hat
that fits and smoke a grape Swisher Sweet.


The BDWSGGO will feature two drinking competitions this year. The
first marks a return to the Royal and Ancient Drinking Rules.
Commentators world wide remarked that last year's drinking competition
was, in the words of deceased Scotch whiskey expert Michael Jackson,
"Sucky." To appease critics, the BDWSGGO planning committee has
decided to return to the Royal and Ancient Rules of whiskey drinking.
Only whiskey consumed on course will count towards drinking totals.
The winner gets to pass out without fear of having his face drawn on
with a Sharpie, while losers will have have to smell Randy's hat.

The second drinking competition is being sponsored by Ketel One Vodka
and is a stump the bartender contest. Competitors order drinks from
any drinking establishment visited by the group. If the bartender
cannot successfully produce the drink without consulting a reference,
the competitor earns a point. If the bartender produces said drink,
the competitor must drink it or lose a point. Points cannot be earned
simply because the bartender does not have a necessary ingredient and
each drink can only be ordered once during the 3-day BDWSGGO. Girlie
drinks do not count. Girlie drinks are any drink that comes with an
umbrella, any drink made with rum (unless Hemingway drank it), and any
drink deemed girlie by the BDWSGGO designated driver. The winner of
the stump the bartender contest is the contestant with the most points
on Sunday morning and wins a free piece of dry white toast.

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