Saturday, May 29, 2010

Dave Walker(man) Clearly Needs to Pay Me $1,000,000

Dear Dave Walker(man),
I am contacting you today in order to collect on a debt. Back in 1986 you wrote me an I.O.U for one million dollars. I would like it now please. I could really use the money. Among other things, I am seeing a therapist for my hoarding problem. (Who else keeps a post-a-note for 24 years?)

I realize that the I.O.U. was written under duress. I had stolen your teddy bear and refused to return it unless you paid me the sum of one million dollars. I am sure by now the statute of limitations has worn off on that crime. (To be completely honest I’m not sure it’s a crime to kidnap a teddy bear anyway.) But in the interest of being fair I am willing to forfeit any interest on the money and you can just make it an even million.

Thanks for your attention to this matter.
Randy Harris

Saturday, May 22, 2010

W & H Turtle Petting Farm Grand Opening set for Summer of 2010

W & H Turtle Petting Farm is conveniently located in Gibsonville, North Carolina and is a perfect setting for people of all ages to learn about turtles. Come join us for a fun-filled day. Pet our turtles, including our many rare breeds, and enjoy a hayride. Walk down to our beautiful pond and stroll around our 15 acres of open pasture and see turtles in their natural habitat.

The W & H Turtle Petting Farm, opening in the summer of 2010, is a living symbol of our appreciation and commitment to the turtle industry and to the values evident on a traditional turtle farm. The site serves as an historic tribute to the turtle petting past in the Gibsonville area.

Jerry Ferrara who plays Salvatore “Turtle” Assante on HBO’s hit show Entourage has been contacted to be on hand for the WHTPF grand opening. (He has not responded to these request.) We want to thank you, our visitors, who contribute to our operating budget. Your continued generous support allows us to present this unique opportunity to the community.