Friday, May 30, 2008

I've Been Taking A Lot of Shots of My Feet

Golf Study

A recent study found the average American golfer walks about 900 miles a year.Another study found American golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.That means, on average, American golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon. Kind of makes you proud.

Friday, May 23, 2008

I found this when I was looking for photos of George Lucasho

Mutt Williams is George Lucas

So I made Kevin go to the midnight showing of the new Indy film on Wednesday night/Thursday morning, however you look at it. I was planning to leave work and go see it at lunch time but Kevin was bitching about not being able to get away from the office and he had plans over the weekend so we went at midnight.

This is a great plan if you are in college-can sleep until noon and skip French the next day-but if you're a working man this is not good. There was a time when Fancy could bounce back with three hours of sleep, but those days are far gone. Just like my hero in the movie, I'm an old man. (I told people at work I had been out drinking all night to cover the next day. I'm not sure they believed me.)

I don't want to give up any plot lines here, but I do suggest going to the film this weekend, because that are too many spoilers for this story. I did want to point out that once again George Lucas has placed himself in the story. Like Luke Skywalker in Star Wars, the new character of Henry "Mutt" Williams is George in his youth. I looked on the internet,but could not find any of those great photos of Lucas as a "greaser" in his hotrod. Mutt looks just like him.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

SSGCI Competition Rules Announced

The executive committee of the SSGCI is pleased to announce the competition rules for upcoming SSGCI to be held August 1 thorough 3, 2008. There are three categories of competition: golf, eating, and drinking.

Golf Friday August 1, 2008 is the Sierra Nevada Skins Game. Traditional skins game rules apply, no handicapping. Stroke play scores will be kept for handicapping the stroke play round.

Saturday August 2, 2008 is the stroke play competition. Handicaps will be determined based on the previous day's play. A sponsor for this day is yet to be determined. Interest has been expressed by Absolut Vodka and by Stolichnya Vodka. Nominations are being accepted.

Sunday August 3, 2008 is the Isle of Jura Single Malt Scotch Best Ball Tournament. Two man teams will be compete in best ball format. This is true best ball, not captain's choice, so each player will play his own ball the entire round. Teams will be determined the day of the tournament. Individual handicaps will be based on the previous days score.

For all three days, the prize for winning is not having to smoke a grape flavored Swisher Sweet. Eating This year there will be 2 eating contests. The seafood contest will be held on the night we go eat seafood (duh). The winner will be the person who eats the most fried seafood items. The executive committee will adjudicate any disagreements over the size of various fried seafood items. The winner doesn't have to clean up his own puke.

The second eating contest will be held on the day we go to Hooters (.)(.) and will involve some sort of fried food at Hooters. Probably wings. The prize for the Hooters winner will also be not having to clean up his own puke.

Drinking The drinking title will be determined by the most eligible drinks drank. Eligible drinks must be from the sponsor of the following day's golf. Because some competitors may have endorsement deals that prevent them from drinking the sponsor's beverage, drinks within the same category will be allowed.

So on Thursday night, eligible drinks are any beer, on Friday night they are any any clear liquor (vodka, gin, tequila, etc.), and on Saturday night they are any whiskey. Any alcoholic drink (regardless of the sponsor) counts if consumed during a competitive golf round or at a restaurant. Drink totals are cumulative Thursday through Saturday (no competition on Sunday), so the drinking title will be awarded Sunday morning. The winner gets bragging rights until the next golf tournament.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Scenes from Dwight's Big Night Out

World's Tallest Hooters Girl

She said, "Will you take a photo of the two of us?" Silly girl, of course I will.

Just shout the phrase "can I get a hell ya" and see what happens.

He just looks like a member of Lynyrd Skynyrd.

Friday, May 09, 2008

500th Post

This is the 500th post on the Fred Hotline blog. To celebrate this milestone we are introducing our Hotline reader(s) to a new character named "Dwight" (not his real name). He is married to my favorite cousin. That is all you need to know at this point. Dwight asked me to attend the Lynyrd Skynyrd/Hank Williams, Jr. concert on Friday night. The following are the photos I feel comfortable showing the world for now. It's sometimes seems funny to post shit late at night and then you feel bad about it later so I'm taking it slow here. In this photo we see our hero starting the evening at Hooters.
If you clap they will come.

Dwight wanted his photo taken with lots of people. The lady on the left is in a state of fear.

Monday, May 05, 2008

Ben Owen Offended By Being Refered to as a "Lesser Foe"

"I feel, as an apparent "lesser foe," that I should be quite offended!"

Sunday, May 04, 2008

Now I Know How Tiger Feels

Saturday, May 3 was in fact a cold day in hell as Mike Davis managed to wrestle at least one of the coveted trophies from the young, well groomed, metro sexual whose name we dare not say aloud.

It's funny how Mike D. has recently began the practice of only entering contest in which his chief rival Randy "Fancy" Harris is not scheduled to play. Oh how bitter sweet it must be to hoist that cup into the air knowing that you were competing against such lesser foes. Congratulations Mike D. on your recent victory. (And remember fight the temptation to drink anything out of the cup because the paint comes off in your mouth.)