I've Been Taking A Lot of Shots of My Feet

Golf Study

A recent study found the average American golfer walks about 900 miles a year.Another study found American golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.That means, on average, American golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon. Kind of makes you proud.

Gabby

self portrait

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I found this when I was looking for photos of George Lucasho

Mutt Williams is George Lucas

So I made Kevin go to the midnight showing of the new Indy film on Wednesday night/Thursday morning, however you look at it. I was planning to leave work and go see it at lunch time but Kevin was bitching about not being able to get away from the office and he had plans over the weekend so we went at midnight.

This is a great plan if you are in college-can sleep until noon and skip French the next day-but if you're a working man this is not good. There was a time when Fancy could bounce back with three hours of sleep, but those days are far gone. Just like my hero in the movie, I'm an old man. (I told people at work I had been out drinking all night to cover the next day. I'm not sure they believed me.)

I don't want to give up any plot lines here, but I do suggest going to the film this weekend, because that are too many spoilers for this story. I did want to point out that once again George Lucas has placed himself in the story. Like Luke Skywalker in Star Wars, the new character of Henry "Mutt" Williams is George in his youth. I looked on the internet,but could not find any of those great photos of Lucas as a "greaser" in his hotrod. Mutt looks just like him.

SSGCI Competition Rules Announced

The executive committee of the SSGCI is pleased to announce the competition rules for upcoming SSGCI to be held August 1 thorough 3, 2008. There are three categories of competition: golf, eating, and drinking.

Golf Friday August 1, 2008 is the Sierra Nevada Skins Game. Traditional skins game rules apply, no handicapping. Stroke play scores will be kept for handicapping the stroke play round.

Saturday August 2, 2008 is the stroke play competition. Handicaps will be determined based on the previous day's play. A sponsor for this day is yet to be determined. Interest has been expressed by Absolut Vodka and by Stolichnya Vodka. Nominations are being accepted.

Sunday August 3, 2008 is the Isle of Jura Single Malt Scotch Best Ball Tournament. Two man teams will be compete in best ball format. This is true best ball, not captain's choice, so each player will play his own ball the entire round. Teams will be determined the day of the tournament. Individual handicaps will be based on the previous days score.

For all three days, the prize for winning is not having to smoke a grape flavored Swisher Sweet. Eating This year there will be 2 eating contests. The seafood contest will be held on the night we go eat seafood (duh). The winner will be the person who eats the most fried seafood items. The executive committee will adjudicate any disagreements over the size of various fried seafood items. The winner doesn't have to clean up his own puke.

The second eating contest will be held on the day we go to Hooters (.)(.) and will involve some sort of fried food at Hooters. Probably wings. The prize for the Hooters winner will also be not having to clean up his own puke.

Drinking The drinking title will be determined by the most eligible drinks drank. Eligible drinks must be from the sponsor of the following day's golf. Because some competitors may have endorsement deals that prevent them from drinking the sponsor's beverage, drinks within the same category will be allowed.

So on Thursday night, eligible drinks are any beer, on Friday night they are any any clear liquor (vodka, gin, tequila, etc.), and on Saturday night they are any whiskey. Any alcoholic drink (regardless of the sponsor) counts if consumed during a competitive golf round or at a restaurant. Drink totals are cumulative Thursday through Saturday (no competition on Sunday), so the drinking title will be awarded Sunday morning. The winner gets bragging rights until the next golf tournament.

Scenes from Dwight's Big Night Out

World's Tallest Hooters Girl

She said, "Will you take a photo of the two of us?" Silly girl, of course I will.

Just shout the phrase "can I get a hell ya" and see what happens.

He just looks like a member of Lynyrd Skynyrd.

500th Post

This is the 500th post on the Fred Hotline blog. To celebrate this milestone we are introducing our Hotline reader(s) to a new character named "Dwight" (not his real name). He is married to my favorite cousin. That is all you need to know at this point. Dwight asked me to attend the Lynyrd Skynyrd/Hank Williams, Jr. concert on Friday night. The following are the photos I feel comfortable showing the world for now. It's sometimes seems funny to post shit late at night and then you feel bad about it later so I'm taking it slow here. In this photo we see our hero starting the evening at Hooters.

If you clap they will come.

Dwight wanted his photo taken with lots of people. The lady on the left is in a state of fear.

Ben Owen Offended By Being Refered to as a "Lesser Foe"

"I feel, as an apparent "lesser foe," that I should be quite offended!"
Benjamin

Now I Know How Tiger Feels

Saturday, May 3 was in fact a cold day in hell as Mike Davis managed to wrestle at least one of the coveted trophies from the young, well groomed, metro sexual whose name we dare not say aloud.

It's funny how Mike D. has recently began the practice of only entering contest in which his chief rival Randy "Fancy" Harris is not scheduled to play. Oh how bitter sweet it must be to hoist that cup into the air knowing that you were competing against such lesser foes. Congratulations Mike D. on your recent victory. (And remember fight the temptation to drink anything out of the cup because the paint comes off in your mouth.)

Mike Davis is Very Handsome

Here is a shot of Mike D. holding a singing Christmas tree. (Don't ask.) Anyway, he kept calling me at work to complain that I never put any pictures of him on the Hotline any more and he sort of implied that he was going to stop reading the Hotline altogether if this didn't change.

The fact is that, sadly, I have more photos of Mike D. than of Lara. I like to run a joke into the ground as much as the next guy, but I thought if I kept it up Doug, Lara's powerful attorney husband, might not like the joke and get really pissed and sue the shit out of me like he did to Vertical Horizon. (Don't ask. I can't talk about it anyway because of a court order.)

Anyway, so for now it's back to photos of Mike D. (Which I will gladly replace with photos of Lara in a cheerleader outfit, Hooters' uniform or Wonder Woman ensemble.)

I just thought this was cool

Can You Believe Someone Made This Pin?

(It is very rare that I run the same content on the Fred Hotline as I do on the Greater Greensboro Open Blog, but this is special. Kevin and I received a box of Jaycee pins today and I started looking through them this evening. I found this one and I'm really a little stocked by it to be honest. I can't believe someone made this pin to begin with and then gave it out for people to wear. Anyway, my lawyer-DaveWalkerman-reads this blog and I thought he would enjoy all the legal stuff.)

Roberts v. United States Jaycees

Abstract

Argument: Wednesday, April 18, 1984
Decision: Tuesday, July 3, 1984
Issues: First Amendment, Miscellaneous
Categories: freedom of association, gender

Advocates
Carl D. Hall, Jr. (Argued the cause for the appellee)
Richard L. Varco, Jr. (Argued the cause for the appellants)

Facts of the Case

According to its bylaws, membership in the United States Jaycees was limited to males between the ages of eighteen and thirty-five. Females and older males were limited to associate membership in which they were prevented from voting or holding local or national office. Two chapters of the Jaycees in Minnesota, contrary to the bylaws, admitted women as full members. When the national organization revoked the chapters' licenses, they filed a discrimination claim under a Minnesota anti-discrimination law. The national organization brought a lawsuit against Kathryn Roberts of the Minnesota Department of Human Rights, who was responsible for the enforcement of the anti-discrimination law.

Question

Did Minnesota's attempts to enforce the anti-discrimination law violate the Jaycees' right to free association under the First Amendment?

Conclusion

In a unanimous decision, the Court held that the Jaycees chapters lacked "the distinctive characteristics that might afford constitutional protection to the decision of its members to exclude women." The Court reasoned that making women full members would not impose any serious burdens on the male members' freedom of expressive association. The Court thus held that Minnesota's compelling interest in eradicating discrimination against women justified enforcement of the state anti-discrimination law. The Court found that the Minnesota law was not aimed at the suppression of speech and did not discriminate on the basis of viewpoint.

This information was taken from the following link. To learn more about this case go to:
http://www.oyez.org/cases/1980-1989/1983/1983_83_724/

Lara and the unidentified feminist

Today we see Lara sitting with one of our favorite unidentified feminist. (Don't email us back with his name. He's not really "unidentified" he just doesn't like it when we use his name on the Fred Hotline.)

This is too funny!

More Lara, Less Mike D

Fred Hotline reader(s) seem to really be enjoying the new more Lara, less Mike D format. So in keeping with the new theme, here we see a photo of lara, without Mike D, wearing a cowboy hat.

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at some point we are sane

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Call A Meeting

Cousin Kenny at Hooters

I swear I don't spend all my time at Hooters. I've only been five times in the last year and a half and these are all the photos I have. This is my cousin Kenny. He came out to Greensboro last Summer to hang out and see the sights. He tricked me into going on this night. (I would not have worn that t-shirt had I known I was going to Hooters. See other photos.)

Best Excuse Ever!

So I was talking to Dr. Bray today and I asked him if he had a chance to invite our new golf parnter Chris to go on another golf outing. Dr. Bray said that he had mentioned the trip to Chris and that he seemed excited about playing some more golf with us. Chris had to check and make sure it wasn't the same week he was going to be climbing Mount Kilimanjaro.

Yeah, the mountain in Africa. Chris, if you don't want to play with us just say so. I mean tell us your wife doesn't want you to go or something came up. But no, "I'll be in Africa that weekend." Dude.

Actually, it pretty cool to have golf buddies like this. Let's see repo guy, PhD, Private Dick, mountain climber, and ladies man. All we need is an Indian chief.

To learn more about Mount Kilimanjaro go to the following link.

http://www.africatravelresource.com/T1/africa/tanzania/ne/kili/0/intro/?gclid=CJaa8aLYkpICFQVzHgoda2RC7Q

Rom-Space Knight

Randy and Ken's 42nd Birthday at Hooters

Guy Getting Hit in the Sack with Tennis Balls

My friends Doug, Lara, Steve and Jenny run an Improv comedy club called the Idiot Box. They work clean, but every once in a while they do something they call Extreme Improv which has a lot to do with pain. Here we see one of the "Idiot Boxers" getting hit in the nuts with a bunch of tennis balls. (I just photographed this-I did not throw anything.)

Four Deer in My Backyard

This is really not good video footage, but I feel like I need to prove to the world that I do have deer in my backyard from time to time. I live in the city limits of Greensboro and when I tell even my neighbors that I've had up to five deer standing in my yard at one time they look at me like I am crazy.

Hooters Hula Hoop Girl

Morningwood Golf and Country Club

This year's Great Golf Outing was held at the Morningwood Golf and Country Club. (members only) If you would like your own Morningwood t-shirt go to the following link.

http://cgi.ebay.com/Morning-Wood-Country-Club-T-Shirt-Funny-EMO-retro-L_W0QQitemZ190198461037QQcmdZViewItem?IMSfp=TL0802130876a23785

2008 Great Golf Outing

Ok, so we went to a lot of Hooters.

2008 Great Golf Outing

Losers at the 2008 Great Golf Outing were forced to smoke grape Swisher Sweets.