2010 Washington, D.C. Trip

2010 Great Golf Outing

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You are what you eat

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Guilford Hall-Birth Place of the Fred Hotline

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From the desk of the LDGGO Commissioner

The LDGGO Planning Committee is pleased to announce the rules for the
2010 LDGGO. As usual, there will be 3 competitions in this year's
LDGGO: golf, drinking, and eating.

Golf

This year's golf competition will consist of 3 daily competitions and
3 cumulative competitions all leading to an overall Gnome Cup winner.
Each day of play will have a skins game, a net strokes game, and a
gross strokes game. Skins competition will follow standard skins
rules. The net strokes game will tally individual players' total
number of strokes over the 18 hole course net their handicap.
Handicaps for the first round will be determined by the Planning
Committee based players' performance in past LDGGO events. Handicaps
for subsequent rounds will be determined by the Planning Committee
based on the prior day's play and on the current standing of the LDGGO
Chairman in the net strokes competition. The gross strokes game will
tally individual players' total number of strokes over the 18 hole
course with no allowance for handicap. In addition to these daily
competitions, players will vie in a three-day skins, a three-day net
strokes, and a three-day gross strokes competition. Rules for these
cumulative, three-day competitions are the same as for the
corresponding daily competition, except that skins or strokes will be
tallied over the entire three days of play. The winner of each of the
12 competitions will receive 4 points towards the Gnome Cup, second
place will receive 3 Gnome points, third place will receive 2 Gnome
points, and fourth place will receive 1 Gnome point. The individual
with the most overall Gnome points will win the coveted Gnome Cup.

Drinking

In response to a recent ruling by the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and
Firearms that prohibits wonton drinking of Scotch aged less than 16
years and in response to repeated protests and petitions by the Master
Brewers Association of the Americas, the LDGGO Planning Committee has
decided to field four drinking competitions this year. The first
competition is the Albert Collins (I'm not Drunk, I'm just Drinking)
Award given the individual who drinks the most beverages (of any kind,
including Pepsi) without becoming intoxicated. The second competition
is the Jimmy Buffet (Boat Drinks) Award given to the individual who
drinks the most clear liquor drinks. The third competition is the Todd
Snider (Beer Run) Award given the individual who drinks the most beer.
The fourth competition is the John Lee Hooker (One Bourbon, One
Scotch, One Beer) Award given to the individual with the most well
rounded drinking portfolio.

Eating

Back by popular demand is the Hooters wing eating competition.
Competitors may consume bone-in wings at Hooters on any night on which
a Hooters is visited. Competitors are responsible for the purchase of
their own wings and may therefore select any flavor of wing sauce they
desire. After each night's gluttony, competitors' bone plates will be
weighed by the attending Hootress. The winner will be the individual
with the greatest total weight in chicken wing bones at the end of
Saturday night. The LDGGO chairman may disqualify any given bone as
insufficiently picked if he feels too much meat has been left. In the
event that no Hooters is visited during the LDGGO, an eating
competition winner will be appointed by the LDGGO chairman.

Other LDGGO News

In other news, the Planning Committee is sad to announce that entry
fees are way down compared to last year. In the latest report received
by the Chairman from the prestigious accounting firm of Brunswick
Plantation, only one LDGGO competitor had payed his entry fee.
Assurances have been received from two other competitors that the fee
will be paid soon, but the Planning Committee will continue to monitor
the situation closely to ensure a successful LDGGO.

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What's Mark Hamill doing today?

I had dinner with Kevin von der Lippe and his wife Laura on Saturday night. As I was driving over to his house in B.F.E I was putting the Star Wars movies in order-favorite to least favorite. As usually I settled on Episode IV as my favorite, follow by Episode V as a close second.

I did not mention this mind game to Kevin when I got to his house, so you can image how surprised I was when he put Return of the Jedi into the DVD player. (Fifth on my list.) The three of us watched the show making comments about acting and outdated special effects. At one point we came up with a couple of questions we could not answer one was: "What's Mark Hamill doing today?" Thanks to the Internet we now have an answer. Enjoy

• Night Gallery Episode: There Aren't Any More McBanes (1972) (messenger boy)
• Wizards (1977) (voice) Sean
• Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope (1977) as Luke Skywalker
• Corvette Summer (1978)
• The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)
• Sam Fuller and the Big Red One (1979) (documentary)
• Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back (1980) as Luke Skywalker
• The Big Red One (1980)
• The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia (1981)
• Britannia Hospital (1982)
• Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi (1983) as Luke Skywalker
• Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind (1984) (voice in 2005 English dub) Mayor of Pejite
• Castle in the Sky (1986) (voice in 1998 English dub) Muska
• Slipstream (1989)
• Fall of the Eagles (1989)
• Midnight Ride (1990)
• The Guyver (1991)
• Black Magic Woman (1991)
• Sleepwalkers (1992)
• Time Runner (1993)
• Batman: Mask of the Phantasm (1993) (voice) as The Joker
• Spiderman: The Animated Series (1994) (voice) as Hobgoblin
• Silk Degrees (1994)
• The Raffle (1994)
• Earth Angel (1991)
• Full Throttle (1995)
• Village of the Damned (1995)
• Space Ghost Coast to Coast (1997) (himself)
• Laserhawk (1997)
• Hamilton (1998)
• Watchers Reborn (1998)
• Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island (1998) (voice) (direct-to-video) Snakebite Skrubbs
• Just Shoot Me! Episode: "The List" (1998) (Himself)
• Gen¹³ (1999) (voice) (direct-to-video) Matthew "Threshold" Callahan
• Wing Commander (1999) (voice)
• Walking Across Egypt (1999)
• Sinbad: Beyond the Veil of Mists (2000) (voice)
• Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invaders (2000) (voice) (direct-to-video)
• Joseph: King of Dreams (2000) (voice) (direct-to-video)
• Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker (voice) (direct-to-video) as The Joker
• Thank You, Good Night (2001)
• Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001)
• Time Squad (2001) (voice)
• Earth Day (2001) (short subject) (voice)
• Soldier of Fortune II: Double Helix (voice)
• Balto II: Wolf Quest (2002) (voice) (direct-to-video)
• Grandia Xtreme (2002) voice: Colonel Kroitz (English VA)
• Birds of Prey (2002)- The Joker (voice)
• Aero-Troopers: The Nemeclous Crusade (2003) (voice of Older Joshua) (direct-to-DVD)
• Danger Rangers (2005) voice: Burt
• Dark Chronicle (2003) voice: Griffon
• The Wrong Coast (2003) voice: Jameson Burkwright
• X2: Wolverine's Revenge (2003) (voice) Wolverine
• Reeseville (2003)
• Stripperella (2003) (voice) Dr. Caesarian
• Comic Book: The Movie (2004) (also director)
• Repetition (2005)
• Avatar: The Last Airbender (2005) voice of Fire Lord Ozai
• Robot Chicken (2005-present)(voice) as Luke Skywalker, The Joker, other voices
• Thru the Moebius Strip (2005) (voice)
• Ultimate Avengers 2 (2006) (voice)
• Tom and Jerry: Shiver Me Whiskers (2006) (voice) (direct-to-DVD)
• Robotech: The Shadow Chronicles (2006) (voice)
• Metalocalypse (2006) (voice) Senator Stampingston, Mr. Selatcia, Jean-Pierre, additional voices
• Battle for Terra (2007) (voice)
• Danny Phantom (2007) voice of Undergrowth
• My Friends Tigger & Pooh (2007) (voice)
• Robot Chicken: Star Wars (2007) (voice) (TV special) as Luke Skywalker
• Futurama: Bender's Big Score (2007) (voice) (direct-to-DVD)
• Tasty Time With ZeFronk (2008) (voice)
• The Legend of Spyro: Dawn of the Dragon (2008) (voice) as Malefor
• Afro Samurai: Resurrection (2009) (voice)
• Batman: Arkham Asylum (2009) (voice) as The Joker/Scarface
• The Super Hero Squad Show (2009)(voice) as Red Skull, Chthon, Forge
• Transformers 3 (2011) (voice) as Starscream
• Robotech (2012)

Dollar Store Aficionado

I made the mistake of going to my local dollar store on a Saturday evening. I thought that I’d slip in and buy a few paper products, some soap, and maybe a new shower curtain. I also planned to look in their CD bin and see if there was anything worth adding to my IPod.

The store was crowded. I should have known better than to go into the store in the first place, but I had abanded my couch and to return now without a bag of paper towels and toilet paper would be admitting defeat to home furnishing and I was not prepared to do that.

There were small, unattended children running throughout the store. I tell myself that I need to put up with this as payment for all the saving I was about to receive. I dodge each of these children, being mindful of their personal space while realizing they had no concept of mine. I stepped around them carefully and politely, not so much for their benefit, but as more of a show for any parents watching from afar. At times like these I imagine myself in a court of law explaining the way in which I stepped around the child. “It’s not my fault he started crying”, I explain.

Children are sticky. They touch everything. Forget about rats spreading the plague, little unattended children in the grocery store will be our undoing. I once stood in a line in which there were four grocery carts in front of me. Two of these carts were miniature grocery carts with little flags that read “Customer in Training.” We have people in this country that don’t want the president addressing their children in the classroom, for fear of indoctrination, but their ok with the Food Loin making them into mindless shopping machines. While in this line I witnessed these two children, each of which had exactly one box of cereal in their tiny cart, touch every single piece of candy on display. For good measure one of these children sneezed all over the candy section. Much like the chapter on personal space these children had not gotten to the point in the lesson plan where we cover our month when we sneeze.

So I’m in the line at the dollar store and the mother of three of the children that have been running in the store is standing in front of me. She is wearing a tube top and I guess you call them “booty shorts”. Every TV show I watch tells me not to try this at home. There is a warning label on my mattress, pillow, and there is one of the plastic shower curtain I am about to buy reminding me that it is not a toy. I guessing “booty shorts” don’t come with a warning label. I know for a fact that my mother never worn a pair of shorts like that.

“I’m fixing to get up out of her,”(Yes, she said her.) the woman said right before she began calling for her children. “Tyrone, Aliyah and Aficionado get up her.” The children quickly made their way to the line each with toys to be purchased. I understand from listening to Aliyah that they had each been instructed to find one item they could buy. Aliyah had selected a clear plastic flute. I had an image of her one day being classically trained and performing in a large music hall and thinking I was there when it all began. Her mother took one look at it and said “what the hell are you going to do with that?”

Aficionado on the other hand was torn between two options. One was a stuffed penguin wearing a bowtie and the other was a plastic Spider Man with a parachute. He wasn’t sure which one he wanted. I was thinking penguin, kid. There will be days when that stuffed animal is the only friend you have. A plastic Spider Man with a parachute is just hours of disappointment waiting to happen.

LDGGO Dates Set

The LDGGO Planning Committee is pleased to announce the final dates and course selection for the 2010 LDGGO. This year's tournament will played February 5, 6, and 7 2010. Competitors should make arrangements to arrive at Brunswick Villas on the evening of Thursday, February 4, 2010. Although the Committee originally tried to coordinate this year's tournament to avoid a conflict with the NFL's Super Bowl event, the two bodies could not come to a final agreement and so once again this year the two events will conflict.

When asked for comment, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell said, "We tried hard to accommodate the LDGGO, but sadly we could not rearrange our dates because I had already paid a deposit on my hotel room." Last year's Super Bowl was marred when several coaches and competitors arrived late because they had watched the entire final round of the LDGGO. To avoid similar problems this year, Miami's Dolphin Stadium will broadcast the final round of the LDGGO on its Jumbotron.

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From the desk of the LDGGO Commissioner

It has been a busy few weeks for the GGO planning committee. It was
learned recently that Chris Brown's liver is alive and well, living in
Aruba. State and Federal authorities are exploring the possibility of
filing criminal insurance fraud charges against the now disgraced
liver. In light of this news, the GGO planning committee has accepted
the offer of the Last Drop Pub in Edinburgh Scotland to be the title
sponsor of this year's GGO, now officially known as the Last Drop
Great Golf Outing or LDGGO. When asked for comment, last year's
champion Chris Brown said "Well. at least it's more politically
correct than the mentally retarded GGO, but I thought the term was now
special needs, not learning disabled... What? Oh yeah, Last Drop works
well, too."

In other news, the committee continues to look at dates. The current
dates for LDGGO play are set for February 5, 6, and 7. Although this
conflicts with the NFL's Super Bowl, many LDGGO competitors felt that
the historical precedent of playing on that weekend was important to
maintain. Said perennial runner up Randy Harris, "Tradition is
everything at the LDGGO. I mean, without tradition we're just a bunch
of guys going to play golf, drink a lot, and ogle Hootresses. Who wants
to see that?" The planning committee has confirmed the weekend of
February 5-7 with all but one of last year's competitors. When reached
for comment, the lone hold out, Chad Ice, released the following
statement through his agent, "Mr. Ice had no knowledge of or role in
the faking of Chris Brown's liver's death. He denies all allegations
and assures his fans that he is innocent of all charges. It would be
inappropriate to comment any further while the investigation is
ongoing."

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