nonsequitur

I hate when you ask someone how they're doing and instead of just saying "good" or "fine", they yell out something like, "I'm fantastic!" They say it like they're trying to convince themself too. It's like they just got back from seeing Zig Ziglar.

I was slightly upset by the body glitter on the chest and neck of the 58 year-old women taking my order at McDonalds. It appeared as if she had attempted to wash it off before beginning her shift. I wondered what possible reason she would have for putting it on to begin with.

I make it a point to only eat food that matches the shirt I'm wearing.

If your going to give me a baby picture, the back of the photo better look like a baseball rookie card. I want stats. Name, date of birth, parents and nickname.

He said, "son you've got the face for radio, but not the voice." So I got in my machine and I drove away.

"For faster service-Please have your money ready". Yeah, I'm the weak link in this chain. I'm the one slowing every down.

As I left the fast food place the retarded, sunburned fry-cook with a mouth full of fries said, "It's one of those days, isn't it?" I said, "yeah" without making eye contact.

Don't put ugly babies in advertisements.