Just once I'd like to find a dead body

I have always thought that it would be cool to find a dead body. What a great conversation starter that would be. Someone would ask, “What did you do today?” and I would say “I went to work, I bought some groceries and oh yeah I found a dead body."

I can image myself at a dinner party just waiting to spring this on the group. I’d listen patiently while the other party goers told stories about their trip to France or how their smart, well adjusted children are performing on the softball team and then I’d hit them with it. I just say “I found a dead body” and nothing more. I’d make them ask me questions and then punish the ones that ask yes or no questions by simply answering yes or no.

Who am I fooling? By the time I got to the party everyone would have already seen the news in the paper or on television. You can’t hide a story like this. The headlines would read “Local man discovers body” as if I got to the site by boat. I discovered it the same way Columbus discovered America-by accident. How do you discover a place where people are already living? Someone knew the body was there the whole time. So, I’ll stick to saying I found the body. Found as in an Easter egg that a parent had hidden a half an hour ago. It’s more like hide and seek than discovery if you think about it.

It turns out that only active people ever find these bodies. The reports are always talking about a jogger or a hiker that finds them. You’ve never heard a news report about a guy sitting on his couch that looked out the window only to discover a dead body.