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2008 SSGGO Champion Responds to Protest from the Ice Man

"Strokes" whatever, it sounds like you want to compete under the Pansy United Scoring System (PUSS). If Raaaaannnnndy can put down 24 OZs of Pepsi at least you could drop the hammer on a measley 1.5 ounces of clear likker. You'll probably get in 4 or 5 "practice rounds" in Hawaii next week anyway.

JBGGO Protest?

(Commissioner)Jeremy, First, let me congratulate you on your eating competition trophy! Well done there. Second, your tome here had me tearing up with laughter. Third, may I humbly request that the handicapping plans be altered to include the drinking competition, i.e. perhaps a set amount of handicap units that are bestowed upon each competitor to be applied either for golf or for the drinking competition following Saturday's round of golf? Far be it for me to alter this stellar plan, however I selfishly want to get in the game, and I am going to need some "strokes" (ounces).
Chad

From the Desk of JBGGO Commissioner Bray

The JBGGO planning committee is pleased to announce the final course
selection and rules for the 2009 JBGGO. On Friday, January 30, 2009
competitors will play Heron Point with a morning tee time of 10:36. On
Saturday, January 31, 20090 competitors will play Possum Trot, also
with a morning tee time of 10:36. Finally, on Sunday, February 1, 2009
competitors will play Brunswick Plantation with a morning tee time of
9:30. The earlier tee time for the Sunday round represents the
culmination of a successful negotiation with the organizers of the
NFL's Super Bowl. When NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell first realized
that Super Bowl XLIII had been scheduled on the same day as the final
round of the obviously more prestigious and fan-favorite JBGGO, he
offered to change the date for the Super Bowl. The JBGGO planning
committee, in a magnanimous show of inter-sport camaraderie, proposed
an alternative solution. Thus, the final round of the JBGGO will
played at the earlier time of 9:30 and the Super Bowl kickoff will be
delayed until 6:28 pm. This solution allows fans to follow all the
action at the JBGGO and still have time to recuperate before settling
down to watch the more sedate Super Bowl. In addition, this should
give competitors approximately 4 to 5 hours to return home before
kickoff.

As in previous JBGGOs, 3 competitions will be held simultaneously for
the 2009 JBGGO: golfing, drinking, and eating.

The golf competition will begin with a Skins game on Friday.
Traditional Skins rules will apply, but stroke scores will be kept to
establish a handicap for the following day's play. A maximum of double
bogey will be allowed on any one hole to speed play. The winner of
the Skins game will be awarded 4 points towards the prestigious Gnome
Cup, second place will receive 3 points, third will receive 2 points,
and fourth place will receive 1 point. The second and third rounds of
of golf will be be played as individual stroke play competitions,
again with double bogey maximums. The second day's score will be used
to handicap the third day's round. Gnome Cup points will be awarded
using the same system as day one. The individual with the most Gnome
Cup points at the end of all three rounds will win the Cup.

This year's drinking competition represents a major shift in rules
from previous years. In the past, the JBGGO has followed either
United States Drinking Association (USDA) rules or those of the Royal
and Ancient (R&A). This year, the JBGGO planning committee has decided
to endorse a new rules system for the drinking competition: the
Western United Scoring System (WUSS). The committee felt that WUSS
rules better reflected the current zeitgeist of the competitors and
would allow for a more harmonious synergy between the golf and
drinking competitions. Under WUSS rules, competitors must consume
beverages in one of three categories: brown liquor, clear liquor,
beer, or Pepsi/cola. Only beverages in these categories earn WUSS
points. Competitors must declare themselves as either a manly man
(i.e., drink alcohol) or a girlie man (i.e., drink Pepsi) and may only
earn WUSS points from drinks in the associated categories from that
point on. Under WUSS rules, 1.5 ounces of either brown or clear
liquor earn 1 WUSS point. Mixers neither contribute nor detract from
WUSS points: the WUSS points of a mixed drink are determined solely by
the amount of liquor it contains. 12 ounces of beer also earn 1 WUSS
point, regardless of the alcohol content of the beer. Finally, 24
ounces of any dark, sugar-based, carbonated beverage (e.g., Pepsi)
earns 1 WUSS point. A 2-liter bottle of Pepsi is worth 3 WUSS
points. WUSS points can be earned only on Friday and Saturday, and
the winner will be announced at the beginning of Sunday's round. As
always, the winner earns bragging rights for the year. Due to
tremendous fan demand, a drinking Pro-Am will be held on Thursday
night at the Wilmington Hooters.

The eating competition this year will be won by Jeremy Bray. The rules
are that Jeremy wins by virtue of the fact that he's the only one who
ever cares about eating. Jeremy will win in 3 categories, sweeping the
eating competition. The first category is white toast in which white
toast is consumed to absorb the toxins from the previous night's
drinking. The second category is a judged competition for the best
form used while eating. The final category is the "I found the
restaurant" category in which the winner is determined based upon who
did the most research to find restaurants in the Myrtle Beach/Calabash
area.

As a final note, the planning committee reminds competitors that final
payments are due to Brunswick soon. The committee encourages all
competitors to double check their payment status (even if they think
they've paid in full), because the committee has been given
conflicting information as who has paid in full and who has not.

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Scott and Randy

This photo was taken in Scott Nunn's old back yard at 612 Lorraine Circle in Wilmington, NC. It was taken in June of 1989. Scott's parents have moved and he told me a couple of years ago that his sister now lives in that house.