The Following Events Are Based on a True Story

I'm on this walk with my wife and my in-laws when we spot a troop of monkeys. I guess it's a troop, or it could be a barrel. You know, like a murder of crows, an array of hedgehogs or a bloat of hippopotamuses right?

Anyway, I look at the main monkey and give him the cool-guy-head-tilt-thing “What's up?” look and he gives me the cool return “What's up?' head-bob-thing and I know we're cool. We're cool until Spike, my mother-in-law, is like “Hey, look at those monkeys!” and starts to walk over to them. I said “Spike don't. Those monkeys will mess you up.”

Now that I think back on it I wasn't very convincing. In my heart I really wanted to see what would happen when my mother-in-law came in contact with the barrel of monkeys. So she goes over and says “Well hello there” in her really high pitched tone and yeah it made the monkeys mad and they picked her up and carried her off.

Later, at the fish place, we went ahead and ordered Spike some hushpuppies and a water with lemon. We waited for about half an hour before the EMTs and the animal control people brought her back. They were asking her a bunch of monkey related questions.

I took a picture of Spike there on the patio of the seafood place answering the animal control lady's questions. They both looked at me in shock as if I had just done something really offensive. I just looked at them both and said it was for insurance purposes. It wasn't. I just wanted to remember the day my mother-in-law got carried off by a carload of monkeys. I told her they would mess her up.