Scenes from a Prostate Exam

I had to go for my yearly check-up the other day. I was going to have x-rays and blood work-the whole nine yards. I had to fast for 15 hours before the office visit. That always makes me light-headed.

The one thing I was worried about was the needle. All I could think about was the needle. I completely forgot about the "finger".

The PA starts the check up by asking me questions. "Are you dizzy?" she asked. "Yes, I haven't had any thing to eat or drink in 15 hours. Yes, I'm dizzy."

"Have you had memory loss?". This one made me laugh. How would I know?

I had a great visit with the doctor. It was great until he had to check my prostate. With all the advances in medical science your telling me the best way to test this is with a finger?

He put on a rubber glove, but I'm pretty sure he left on his class ring. It could have been a Super Bowl ring.

He told me to "assume the position". I was thinking, could you remind me what the position is again. I think I blacked out last time. (Maybe I've had memory loss.)

I've got an idea, how about giving me another finger to bite down on. In western movies they always give the cowboy a shot of whiskey and a stick to bite down on. (Ask me now if have blurred vision.)

Assume the position. He says it like it's a yoga class. It's like he's teaching a Kung Fu class. Assume the position-Hidden Finger, Screaming Man.

"I found some hard stool," he said. "Yeah, that's where I keep it." What did he think he was going to find? A rabbit? My car keys? I don't get this much action on Saturday night. Buy me a drink, talk dirty to me or something.

I make jokes about this becauses I'm uncomfortable with the exam, but it's important.

Here are a few facts you should know:

Prostate cancer accounts for almost half of all newly diagnosed cancers in men each year in the United States.

This disease is the second most fatal cancer in men, second only to lung cancer.

The risk of developing prostate cancer increases with age and it seldom occurs in men before the age of 50.

To learn more go to: www.prostate.com