Welcome to Larry Ward's happy place. 

Gumby Sex Doll

Kurt Hoover gave this to me for my birthday one year. He knew of my love of Gumby and he wanted to Pokey fun at me.

smile. circa Jan. 1991 

The Guilford Times was the "other" newsletter I worked on while living in Guilford dorm. 

Big Al is running for Freshman Vice-President. 

This is how I entertained myself before I got a girlfriend. 

I would often cover my roommates towel with sheets of paper to change the meeting of this slogan. It once read, "Let's do it on my towel in a tuba". He didn't like the one that read "Let's do it on my towel in Cuba". He told me, "No Randy, I am not a communist!" 

Randy Harris self-portrait circa 1988 

I was never cool in school. 

Create Your Own Caption Contest 

This is the only know photo of Brad Mitchell with a smile on his face. 

Turtle Head 

King Cobra-Dave let the smooth taste fool him. 

"Hand" Randy Harris self portrait circa 1991 

Untitled Randy Harris self portrait circa 1991 

Phil as camel boy. 

Kind Words from Dr. Bray

The Hotline is one of my fondest memories from college. It was more than a simple newsletter. It captured the zeitgeist of Guilford Hall and of a generation. But most of all it was fun. I find life has become way to serious and our debates way to acrimonious and personal. Although the Hotline often poked fun at people and events, I never found it mean-spirited no matter what R says (and I was in it more than once). I say: Up with Fred! It's high time we had some new issues to challenge our positions and make us laugh at the same time.

"The Day the Music Died" is the name of this piece created by a young Dr. Jeremy Winslow Bray while working on his masters at UNCG circa 1990. This mix-media work is an example of the Bray's desire to examine man's inhumanity to man. 

Randy Harris self-portrait entitled "hammer" circa 1991 

Tonight on a very special "One and a Half Men", Scott teaches John the value of sharing while solving crimes. 

My mother gave me that hat thank you very much. 

Press Release

For Immediate Release
Fred Hotline announces Friday that it is now responsible for 3% of crap on internet.

Greensboro, N.C.- March 25, 2005 - Fred Hotline announced Friday that it is now solely responsible for 3 percent of the crap found on the internet. The Fred Hotline is of course most widely known for its infamous college newsletter appearing in the mid 80's and disappearing about the same time as parachute pants.

Hotline spokesman, Fred B Willie, had this to say, "Yeah, we where running low on content until I caught my wife throwing out a whole bunch of perfectly good Hotlines. I'm thinking why make up new stuff when you can rerun this old crap and call it retro?"

How Gypsies Escaped Tsunami

I recently watched a 60 Minutes report about the Moken people that survived the Tsunami. The following is an excerpt from that report. To view a complete transscript go to: http://cbsnews.cbs.com/stories/2005/03/18/60minutes/main681558.shtml

"The Moken are the sea gypsies of the Andaman Sea, and they've lived for hundreds of years on the islands off the coast of Thailand and Burma. "

"We had come here to find out whether these people had survived the tsunami. We wound up captivated by their culture. We had never seen anything like it. "

"The Moken don't know how old they are. Ivanoff says this is because, "Time is not the same concept as we have. You can't say for instance, 'When.' It doesn't exist in Moken language."
And Ivanoff says "when" is not the only word missing from the Moken language. "Want" is another. "Yes, you use it very often," says Ivanoff. "Take that out of your language and you see how often you use it. 'I want this, I want that.'"
There is also no word for "take." "You take something," says Ivanoff. "You give or you take. You don't want."

Is there any other word missing from the Moken language? "No goodbye, no hello," says Ivanoff. "That's quite difficult. Imagine after one year, you live with them, and then you go. You go. That’s it. Finish."


Other words that don't appear in the Moken lauguage:

drive-thru
cargo pants
lawn darts
bling-bling
biggie size
tooth brush
door bell
fruit roll-up
cheese
wireless
laundromat
icky
hovercraft
filibuster
double-decker
dishabille
schuss
pinhead

Isn't the Sub-Mariner just a schizophrenic Aqua Man? 

I like cats, I just can't eat a whole one. 

Fred Hotline- Ric Flair I bet you think that's Scott Nunn standing next to a cardboard cut -out of Ric Flair. It's really a photo of Ric Flair standing next to a cardboard cut-out of Scott Nunn. 

Fred Hotline-Golfers 

Try telling him to get down off the table.