Scenes from Dwight's Big Night Out

World's Tallest Hooters Girl

She said, "Will you take a photo of the two of us?" Silly girl, of course I will.

Just shout the phrase "can I get a hell ya" and see what happens.

He just looks like a member of Lynyrd Skynyrd.

500th Post

This is the 500th post on the Fred Hotline blog. To celebrate this milestone we are introducing our Hotline reader(s) to a new character named "Dwight" (not his real name). He is married to my favorite cousin. That is all you need to know at this point. Dwight asked me to attend the Lynyrd Skynyrd/Hank Williams, Jr. concert on Friday night. The following are the photos I feel comfortable showing the world for now. It's sometimes seems funny to post shit late at night and then you feel bad about it later so I'm taking it slow here. In this photo we see our hero starting the evening at Hooters.

If you clap they will come.

Dwight wanted his photo taken with lots of people. The lady on the left is in a state of fear.

Ben Owen Offended By Being Refered to as a "Lesser Foe"

"I feel, as an apparent "lesser foe," that I should be quite offended!"
Benjamin

Now I Know How Tiger Feels

Saturday, May 3 was in fact a cold day in hell as Mike Davis managed to wrestle at least one of the coveted trophies from the young, well groomed, metro sexual whose name we dare not say aloud.

It's funny how Mike D. has recently began the practice of only entering contest in which his chief rival Randy "Fancy" Harris is not scheduled to play. Oh how bitter sweet it must be to hoist that cup into the air knowing that you were competing against such lesser foes. Congratulations Mike D. on your recent victory. (And remember fight the temptation to drink anything out of the cup because the paint comes off in your mouth.)

Mike Davis is Very Handsome

Here is a shot of Mike D. holding a singing Christmas tree. (Don't ask.) Anyway, he kept calling me at work to complain that I never put any pictures of him on the Hotline any more and he sort of implied that he was going to stop reading the Hotline altogether if this didn't change.

The fact is that, sadly, I have more photos of Mike D. than of Lara. I like to run a joke into the ground as much as the next guy, but I thought if I kept it up Doug, Lara's powerful attorney husband, might not like the joke and get really pissed and sue the shit out of me like he did to Vertical Horizon. (Don't ask. I can't talk about it anyway because of a court order.)

Anyway, so for now it's back to photos of Mike D. (Which I will gladly replace with photos of Lara in a cheerleader outfit, Hooters' uniform or Wonder Woman ensemble.)

I just thought this was cool

Can You Believe Someone Made This Pin?

(It is very rare that I run the same content on the Fred Hotline as I do on the Greater Greensboro Open Blog, but this is special. Kevin and I received a box of Jaycee pins today and I started looking through them this evening. I found this one and I'm really a little stocked by it to be honest. I can't believe someone made this pin to begin with and then gave it out for people to wear. Anyway, my lawyer-DaveWalkerman-reads this blog and I thought he would enjoy all the legal stuff.)

Roberts v. United States Jaycees

Abstract

Argument: Wednesday, April 18, 1984
Decision: Tuesday, July 3, 1984
Issues: First Amendment, Miscellaneous
Categories: freedom of association, gender

Advocates
Carl D. Hall, Jr. (Argued the cause for the appellee)
Richard L. Varco, Jr. (Argued the cause for the appellants)

Facts of the Case

According to its bylaws, membership in the United States Jaycees was limited to males between the ages of eighteen and thirty-five. Females and older males were limited to associate membership in which they were prevented from voting or holding local or national office. Two chapters of the Jaycees in Minnesota, contrary to the bylaws, admitted women as full members. When the national organization revoked the chapters' licenses, they filed a discrimination claim under a Minnesota anti-discrimination law. The national organization brought a lawsuit against Kathryn Roberts of the Minnesota Department of Human Rights, who was responsible for the enforcement of the anti-discrimination law.

Question

Did Minnesota's attempts to enforce the anti-discrimination law violate the Jaycees' right to free association under the First Amendment?

Conclusion

In a unanimous decision, the Court held that the Jaycees chapters lacked "the distinctive characteristics that might afford constitutional protection to the decision of its members to exclude women." The Court reasoned that making women full members would not impose any serious burdens on the male members' freedom of expressive association. The Court thus held that Minnesota's compelling interest in eradicating discrimination against women justified enforcement of the state anti-discrimination law. The Court found that the Minnesota law was not aimed at the suppression of speech and did not discriminate on the basis of viewpoint.

This information was taken from the following link. To learn more about this case go to:
http://www.oyez.org/cases/1980-1989/1983/1983_83_724/

Lara and the unidentified feminist

Today we see Lara sitting with one of our favorite unidentified feminist. (Don't email us back with his name. He's not really "unidentified" he just doesn't like it when we use his name on the Fred Hotline.)

This is too funny!

More Lara, Less Mike D

Fred Hotline reader(s) seem to really be enjoying the new more Lara, less Mike D format. So in keeping with the new theme, here we see a photo of lara, without Mike D, wearing a cowboy hat.

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at some point we are sane

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Call A Meeting

Cousin Kenny at Hooters

I swear I don't spend all my time at Hooters. I've only been five times in the last year and a half and these are all the photos I have. This is my cousin Kenny. He came out to Greensboro last Summer to hang out and see the sights. He tricked me into going on this night. (I would not have worn that t-shirt had I known I was going to Hooters. See other photos.)

Best Excuse Ever!

So I was talking to Dr. Bray today and I asked him if he had a chance to invite our new golf parnter Chris to go on another golf outing. Dr. Bray said that he had mentioned the trip to Chris and that he seemed excited about playing some more golf with us. Chris had to check and make sure it wasn't the same week he was going to be climbing Mount Kilimanjaro.

Yeah, the mountain in Africa. Chris, if you don't want to play with us just say so. I mean tell us your wife doesn't want you to go or something came up. But no, "I'll be in Africa that weekend." Dude.

Actually, it pretty cool to have golf buddies like this. Let's see repo guy, PhD, Private Dick, mountain climber, and ladies man. All we need is an Indian chief.

To learn more about Mount Kilimanjaro go to the following link.

http://www.africatravelresource.com/T1/africa/tanzania/ne/kili/0/intro/?gclid=CJaa8aLYkpICFQVzHgoda2RC7Q

Rom-Space Knight

Randy and Ken's 42nd Birthday at Hooters

Guy Getting Hit in the Sack with Tennis Balls

My friends Doug, Lara, Steve and Jenny run an Improv comedy club called the Idiot Box. They work clean, but every once in a while they do something they call Extreme Improv which has a lot to do with pain. Here we see one of the "Idiot Boxers" getting hit in the nuts with a bunch of tennis balls. (I just photographed this-I did not throw anything.)

Four Deer in My Backyard

This is really not good video footage, but I feel like I need to prove to the world that I do have deer in my backyard from time to time. I live in the city limits of Greensboro and when I tell even my neighbors that I've had up to five deer standing in my yard at one time they look at me like I am crazy.

Hooters Hula Hoop Girl

Morningwood Golf and Country Club

This year's Great Golf Outing was held at the Morningwood Golf and Country Club. (members only) If you would like your own Morningwood t-shirt go to the following link.

http://cgi.ebay.com/Morning-Wood-Country-Club-T-Shirt-Funny-EMO-retro-L_W0QQitemZ190198461037QQcmdZViewItem?IMSfp=TL0802130876a23785

2008 Great Golf Outing

Ok, so we went to a lot of Hooters.

2008 Great Golf Outing

Losers at the 2008 Great Golf Outing were forced to smoke grape Swisher Sweets.

2008 Great Golf Outing

Defending GGO Champion Mark Eakes prepares for his Sunday round by meeting with his swing coach and trainer.

2008 Great Golf Outing

The Masters doesn't have one of these.

2008 Great Golf Outing

This is not Sergio Garcia.

2008 Great Golf Outing

Just to see if anyone would notice, this week we have replaced all of the photos of Mike D with photos of Dr. B.

Great Golf Outing

To play at this level you need to feed the machine.

2008 Great Golf Outing

All players in the 2008 Great Golf Outing began their day with breakfast at Granny Allyn's Country Kitchen.

Someone Remind Me to Punch Mike D in the Face the Next Time I See Him

Here we see Mike D and the Boss Lady at the big Super Bowl Party. I'm not sure where his hand was going, but I'm pretty sure I will need to punch him in the face for it.

Two Unidentified Feminist

It was made with love.

Here is a shot of Mike D eating a piece of the wonderful ice cream cake.

Super Bowl Ice Cream Cake

This is a photo of the ice cream cake I made for Doug and Lara's Super Bowl party. I wanted it to look like a football, but Kelly said it looked like a fish.